Enneagram (n): a nine-sided figure used in a particular system of analysis to represent the spectrum of possible personality types.
About a year and a half ago my life long friend Hailie introduced me to the Enneagram. She tried to convince me multiple times to take the test and find out what “number” I was. She told me it was AMAZING how spot on it was for her and that I would find it super interesting! So one night while we were participating in one of our many Bachelor Monday hang outs, I caved and took the test. Before I started she said to me “Now, you have to be REALLY honest with yourself with these questions. There are going to be questions you want to answer one way but you need to answer them honestly to get a clear picture of what number you fall near.”
About ten minutes later, I had completed the first test I had probably taken since college. Lucky for me, unlike college I was able to receive my results almost immediately. BOOM. Enneagram 2. The Helper.
I read the description on the Enneagram 2 and could not believe how “seen” I felt. It talked about how 2’s can be extremely empathetic and feel for others, how their basic need was to be loved, and how in unhealth, 2’s can be martyrs for others and become completely overbearing… ouch.
OBVIOUSLY, Hailie and I convinced Jordan into taking the test as well because we HAD to know what he was. Another ten minutes go by and it is revealed to us the Jordan is an Enneagram 3. The Achiever.
For those of you who have been around for a while, you know I am the firmest believer of knowing your loved ones’ love language. Knowing how the people in your life feel loved is the best tool you can have in your relationship tool belt. Little did I know, the enneagram was going to give me a deeper understanding of the people that I love – and here’s how!
- Knowing people’s basic desire is truly eye opening.
My basic desire is to be loved. Jordan’s basic desire is to feel valued. It is almost uncanny how they go hand in hand with our respective love languages. (Mine is quality time and Jordan’s is words of affirmation) Knowing this about each other has helped us meet each other’s needs. I know that Jordan needs to feel valued – so I work hard to make sure he knows he is the most important person in my life and that what he does really matters. He knows I need to feel loved, so he works to make sure we spend lots of quality time together. I feel like it has really helped us cater to one another in a healthy way.
- It has made it much easier to empathize with others
When you know your partner, parent’s, or friends Enneagram number, you in turn know what their basic fears are. You know what makes them anxious or frustrated. This equips you with tools to make sure the people in your life feel heard. That what they may be going through and how they are reacting to situations is part of their “make up”. It helps them feel seen. And feeling seen is one of the best feelings.
- It has taught me a lot about healthy relationships
When you know your Enneagram number, you can take a look at your relationship with other numbers! You can learn what it looks like when your relationships are in a really healthy place, and what they look like when they aren’t in such a healthy spot. I have friends who are all over the Enneagram and I have looked up what our relationships look like in health to make sure we are in a solid spot. It helps keep you and your relationships in check!
- It made me look at myself differently
Ever since I took the test, I have learned A LOT about myself. I know in stress I got to an Enneagram 8 – The Challenger. I become dominating and aggressive. When I am growing – I go to an Enneagram 4- The Individualist. I become self nurturing and aware! Knowing this has helped me keep my eye on growth. I am human. I stress and come to an 8 at times. But I have worked really hard to focus a lot more on self care and being emotionally aware. And I am really proud of that.
Now I am NO EXPERT on the enneagram. But I really do feel like it has helped me a lot over the last year and a half. If you haven’t taken the test, you totally should! I took mine on https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/
What is your enneagram number?! Let me know below!